A Zombie's Note to you

Dear Humans ..

My name is Karl, I am a zombie, I have been this way for around 3 months now.
My good friend Charles infected me.

I've come to tell you that it's really not so bad being undead, in fact, there are many benefits! For instance, we get constant exercise while hunting your brains. Another advantage to being dead is not having to worry about pricey doctors appointments and medical insurance; if your arm falls off? slap it back on! It's that easy!

I realize that the prospect of having your flesh chewed on by some fine dining zombies isn't the best out there, but we repay you with friendship and love once you turn into one of us! Unless your one of those weird guys that stay dead...

Lonely? We got you covered! Zombies travel in packs, which we call hoards, and everyone is friendly as we shout in union "BRAINS!"

So join me and my companions today in zombie brotherhood, after your ordeal into our group, which involves the removal and consumption of your tasty thinker organ,  you'll never be alone again!

yours truly- Karrrrrrrrrrl

How to make a reader cry

Believe it or not, crying over a character's death is one of the greatest honors you can give an author (or one of the greatest honors you can receive, if you happen to have published a book). A reader's tears indicate that they've become so attached to the character that they felt a sense of loss when the character died.
This only applies to the good guys of course; if you cried when the White Witch in Narnia died, there's something wrong with you.

So here's the question: how can we extract that kind of an emotion from our readers?
It's not easy, but here are a few simple rules to follow that can help you earn your bottle of tears.

                                 

1. Make the character relatable.
If the character is an older hero, make him or her act in a grandparently way, that way, younger readers feel almost as if their own grandparent has been slain when you (the heartless author) kill the character off. And older readers can relate to the character on a more personal level, as if a dear friend has just died. This works the same for younger heroes.

2. Draw it out a little.
Not too long; you don't want your readers sitting there thinking, "can't he just die already?" But long enough that they're not asking, "What just happened?" (unless that is your desired reaction.) You want them to know for sure, this character isn't coming back.

3.The longer they've lasted in the book, the bigger the bottle of tears. 
Have you ever read a book where a character dies in chapter one? You might feel a brief flash of something like sympathy, but you're not going to spend too much time on their death; the longer the character lasts, the bigger the reaction you'll get when they die.

4. Make the character lovable.
Nobody is going to cry over Dave the Dirtbag, even if he saved the other heroes a couple times; neither will they cry over a character who is bland. You have to kill off someone who makes the reader go "awww, he/she's so nice" on a regular basis.

Some good examples of well done deaths in books are (SPOILERS)  Dobby from Harry Potter, and Gandalf from The Lord Of The Rings.

Have I spent too much time thinking about this topic? YES! Yes I have... Good luck on your killings- Y

Brian the brain

Hey, my name is Bob, and I've been rather poorly drawn by Yonah to assist him with his blog today.

                                                            









Yonah's brain has recently been doing some thinking... which is never a good thing... What's that? Oh yeah, I'm sorry, I briefly went off script... anyway it's decided it has some ideas that it'd like to share. I was created with the sole purpose of introduce this amazing being whose ideas are far to complex for your understanding, try to keep up.
                                                        



Hello puny humans, my name is the Brian, but my name is often mispronounced as brain since that is what I am.


                                      

I've come here to introduce you to some simple things that may vastly improve your life.

The first thing is sharing this blog with your friends... Now I know you may be groaning right now, you expected some something funny or witty right? But I believe I've just proven that this blog CAN indeed be serious at times... At least when it comes to self promotion.

                                           
Not to worry, the second thing which I'll now introduce you to, will probably be much more to your liking. It's a game! That's right! It's called "money tag" and I made myself.
The rules are simple, place that annoying green paper your'e always carrying into an unmarked white envelope and give it to the author of this blog... He'll continue the game, probably tagging the local Chik-Fil-A employee, who will be so pleased to be included that they'll give him a free milkshake! Isn't that great?

                                  

Lastly, you should really consider adopting poor, helpless brains named Brian; but make sure you have the right living space for your new brain, they require 5 star food as well as daily workouts on the newest video game systems... Interested? To pick up your new Bria... Hey! Hey! I'm not done!!!!

Navigating the blog

We got some cool new stuff for those of you that care enough to read all the way through, and some old stuff you might not have known was there; 

ready? 

No? 

Fair enough; Nobody is ever ready for the type of action I provide. Brace yourself for... Convenience.

This handy dandy little gadget can be found on the right hand side of the blog, you can sign up with your email to receive updates when I post new blogs... Because, you know, who doesn't want more of me?

This  ⬆⬆⬆⬆ Can be clicked to roll out every blog I've ever decided to keep.

⬅⬅⬅It looks like so, almost like a scroll.

You will find this beautiful array of gadget at the bottom of each post. The buttons titled "Great, good, eh and bad" allow you to rate my blog post giving me a burst of magical power which I use to help poor endangered unicorn families, so click one of those, even if it's "bad". 

Clicking the comments button allows you to leave a message, I enjoy reading each message unless you are using my Blog to advertise your own blog or leaving rather interesting words that my innocent readers have never seen before; in which case, I will remove your comment promptly.

 Pressing one of the many social media buttons instantly opens a new tab and post so that all you have to do is type and click post. 

And finally, should you be signed into google, the little "G+1" button allows you to "like" my post, much like a Youtube or Facebook like.

Anywho, should you choose to do any of these things I will be thankful, but really, it's you who should be thankful... Because I have chosen to give you some of my precious time- YOUR WELCOME! ahem- stay classy- Y

The internet throws down "how it be"...

Yonah: I spoke to myself and I said.
"It would seem all my readers are dead."
For there's no other reason I know,
that would stop the readership's grow.

This morning I happened to say,
"Why do I not get a million a day?"
For I know that the world is SUCH an accepting place,
and that no one would dare say bad things to my face.

What say ye to this?  internet friend...
Is what I say true? Or does it depend?
Speak now, and throw down how it be.
How will the internet brothers treat me?

Internet....

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